Hanging High

Conceit. I'm watching myself. Sometimes I like what I see other times it's a different story. I've noticed myself do and say things that seem as though I am the most confident person in the world. So much so that, while watching myself, I almost start to believe it. Why? I ask myself, why do I do this? It seems as though I put on this facade because I want someone to notice and agree so that maybe I'm not just lying to myself.
Am I pretty? Really? You agree? Then why don't you love me? Sometimes I feel a bit lost. My mind goes blank because there are too many things flying through my mind. It's like a blizzard or a static television screen. I want it. I want a relationship, a real one. I'm not ashamed to admit that sometimes I get lonely. It's comforting to know that there is someone else out there that knows me on a level that I can only share with them. That they are familiar with a part of me that is foreign to everyone else. I want to give that to someone, I really do.
It hurts, please, make it stop. I'm afraid to give it away. It'll make me vulnerable and open to everything I'd hope I'd left behind.